As our expertise grows, we lose our innate curiosity. In a faster moving world, our need to connect goes unfulfilled.
A comforting scene. Photo by Juri Gianfrancesco on Unsplash
In business, the words curiosity and intimacy are becoming increasingly rare. Not only do they make most professionals I talk to uncomfortable, they are slowing losing their importance and their true meaning. Let’s take a look at both of these words and find our way to their rightful place in our lives, and hopefully, in your business. Let’s investigate the loss of curiosity and intimacy.
Curiosity killed the cat…
That’s the saying that might come to mind when we consider curiosity. A negative connotation to be sure. Around my hometown it’s being nebby, a brilliant colloquialism from quirky, old Pittsburgh, PA.
In business, curiosity is all but lost, replaced by the need to always have the right answer.
In business – particularly in the business of experts, i.e. law, architecture, engineering, finance – curiosity is all but lost, replaced by the need to always have the right answer. Asking too many questions can make one appear as though they aren’t as smart as they’ve promoted. Maybe they faked their way through professional licensure. That certificate on the wall might be the product of some fancy photoshop work. Experts are expected to have all the answers. As such, any hint to the contrary might reveal a gap in the armor, so to speak.
…But satisfaction got it back.
So goes the rest of the original quote. “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction got it back.” The first part warning against further investigation, but the latter part recognizing the fulfillment that comes from the answers and understanding gained in the process.
When I work with experienced, credentialed, licensed professionals who are often the smartest people in the room, we focus on putting their experience and titles aside and embracing their curiosity to come up with great questions to ask of their clients and prospective clients. Young children have innate senses of curiosity that often fade with time and education. You can watch the shift happen before your eyes as they start to prioritize knowing over not knowing. Being a parent of teenagers, I’d guess that happens around the age of 10 or so.
To regain our sense of curiosity, there is both an unlearning and a rediscovery. The unlearning reveals that there are limits to what each of us can master, and everything beyond that is a great big world to discover. So we must ask questions and learn. The rediscovery comes when we blow the dust off that youthful curiosity and experience the wonder of exploration and new ideas.
Which leads to Intimacy
Defined as “close familiarity or friendship; closeness“, intimacy is as much about familiarity as it is physical proximity. The latter precludes its use in the professional world, while the former underscores its importance.
As humans, we are wired to connect. Research discussed in a Scientific American article points to the need to create and maintain relationships in all parts of our lives. The author Gareth Cook writes, “Across many studies of mammals, from the smallest rodents all the way to us humans, the data suggests that we are profoundly shaped by our social environment and that we suffer greatly when our social bonds are threatened or severed.”
When we believe that deeper, more intimate relationships only belong outside the business world, we eliminate 1/2 of our waking hours to develop them. We move throughout our professional lives with egos on display, emotional shields up, and no opportunities to really get to know each other. Relationships with colleagues and clients are shallow and transactional.
Greater professional intimacy comes from familiarity and deeper understanding driven by a stronger sense of curiosity.
The path to greater Curiosity and deeper Intimacy
In the workplace, curiosity must become a cultural norm. People up and down the organization must model curiosity, especially the more senior practitioners who employees and clients consider to be the greatest experts.
When preparing for an important meeting with a prospective client, firms must stop scurrying around to gather the things they will show and the words they will say. The most important thing a consultant can do in this situation is prepare a great list of questions to ask. More importantly, they need to embrace a mindset of exploration and discovery. Leave the Powerpoint decks behind and just listen. Make the conversation all about the person on the other side of the table.
The pairing of curiosity and intimacy create a powerful positive feedback loop. Increasing curiosity leads to greater understanding and familiarity that results in deeper intimacy. The benefits of a deeper relationship, and the desire create more like it, motivates one to ask more questions. To be more curious. And more intimate. With those who matter the most to your practice. And to your life.
Wainwright Insight provides fractional sales management and consulting to organizations who want to take control of their pipeline and build future sales leaders—but could use a little, part-time expertise. I work with professional services firms, and the experts in those firms, who need to get better at chasing and winning big deals when the stakes are high.